Stepping In to Break the Silence Through a Brother’s Experience of Sexual Abuse in the Family with Keeper Catran-Whitney

Written By Kara Stoltenberg

In this episode, In this episode, Kara steps in with author, speaker and brother, Keeper Catran-Whitney.  Keeper is the author of an amazing book, Helplessness: The Mental Health Challenges Brothers Experience After Learning our Sisters Have Been Sexually Abused by our Parents. Kara and Keeper dive deeply into the moment that changed everything in his family. One minute they were set to escape extreme poverty, signing on with Motown records to be the “new” Jackson 5 and the next, everything broke as the brothers learned their step father had been molesting their sisters for years and their mother knew about it the whole time. Keeper shares candidly about the way he experienced this trauma in his family and the way silence ate at him for 45 years until he finally found the way forward through conversations with his siblings. Join Kara and Keeper as they unpack a very dark and heavy topic while bringing light and the redemption of healing to the forefront. This is a beautiful and important conversation that offers healing and insight into unthinkable trauma.

Highlights:

  • As brothers, though the abuse didn’t happen to them, it affected them (traumatized them) and their sisters didn’t want to talk to them about it.

  • Keeper highlights that as a brother there are no resources, which is what fueled him to speak out and create a place for brothers to break the silence.

  • As a society we need to realize how rampant this is and how much it affects people's lives for the rest of their lives. When sexual abuse is part of your story, even if you've done beautiful healing work, it is part of your story.

  • As a brother, Keeper shares he was so consumed with anger, guilt and shame. His self-esteem and self-worth had really just taken a beating.

  • As a brother, be willing to let your sister say everything she needs to say.

  • We step in with each other and just try to understand each other's experiences, I think this is where in humanity we can really make these deep connections and have compassion for one another.

  • Giving rise to brothers in their conversation so that brothers and sisters can heal and empower each other.

  • ‘I was sexually abused as a child’ has become an acceptable thing to say. But talking about it, really being honest about how it's affecting you today, that's still pretty taboo.

Quotes:

  • “And then as a brother, you hear the words. You can never prepare for…it makes no difference how old you are as a brother. When you hear your sisters have been sexually abused, it is devastating.”

  • “And that's it for brothers. It's just guilt and shame that we feel at not being able to protect our sisters. That becomes all consuming.”

  • “Having a conversation with my sister was the most empowering, healing conversation of my life.”

  • “Brothers need to know that they are not alone. It makes no difference how old you are. If you are a brother and you are carrying this in silence, you are carrying it in silence.”  

  • “I don't have words for the power behind these conversations and the power of healing that it brought to me to listen to them.” (Kara about listening to Keeper’s family conversations)

Connect with Keeper:

Keeper Catran-Whitney is the author of the book HELPLESSNESS: The Mental Health Challenges Brothers Experience Once We Learn Our Sisters Have Been Sexually Abused By Our Parents. HELPLESSNESS, which is book one of the three-book series From Helplessness To Hopefulness To Happiness. He is the originator of the podcast, "This is For The Brothers," found on his website as a series of conversations exploring the impact on brothers of their sisters' sexual abuse. 

For 25 years, he was a drummer and singer with his family, The Whitney Family. His family has been featured in various magazines, TV shows, and concerts. A seasoned performer, He traveled the world performing in front of millions. His family made the coveted Billboard Magazine Top 100 twice for both album and single.

Connect with Kara:

Kara Stoltenberg
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